What I meant to say that time on MSN when I told him I'd fork him in the kneecaps if he was mean to you, was more along the lines of "Don't you dare make her cry, because Kam means a lot to me and I don't want this to go wrong for her". The one big problem with the internet is that it's so easy to be disingenuous. We think we know people, but in many ways we don't. An MSN conversation is rather unlike a real conversation, and I do't think I'd be able to say half the things I'm writing now in real life. You can't see the intent in someone's eyes over a webcam, the inflection in their voice; their sincerity. When you were blogging before, when we were in the city and you were buying things to send overseas, you seemed so optimistic and happy. And I thought that was wonderful. That even while things might have been going awry, there was someone there who you had something special with that friends alone could not suffice. But now it's sudenly not there, and I find that really regretable. Because even though the protective friend part of me was a little jealous, I wanted it all to work out for you. I stand by what I said before, that you deserve a future happiness that will make this all worth while, and in that I hope this doesn't all turn out bad; that you'll still be able to keep something of that feeling and friendship you had before, even if it can't be what it once was.

LotR binge definitely still on~ I think I need to buy more chocolate though. Current stockpile may be insufficient... and I forgot to buy Pocky. Damnit.

~Kimi

Am I weak-willed? Maybe. But if you had asked me two hours ago if I would get back together with him, I would've said: "I dunno." I can see the truth in what he says... if only the truth didn't hurt like it does.

I'm so tired of crying at the drop of a hat. I'm tired of weeping on the fucking train and having strangers sitting next to me offer tissues. I'm tired of having puffy eyes and having to squint at people.

On the other hand, I'm just glad that I'm happy again.

PS. Our Chocolate/LotR spurge is still on. I demand it! :O

Kam

I remember the last time I sat til morning crying. There's something very cathartic about that. When I made that post beneath, I wanted to have a shoulder to cry on and someone to mumble incoherent words to. But well... 6:00am is a hard time to ring up your friends, and it's always better if your mom is awake to go and find her instead.

What people say to you, like: "it's better now than later" and "If he can do this at this time, then he can do it later at any time," I don't really have a response to, because I have a brain and I can think, and I know it's true. But just because something is true, it doesn't make it hurt any less. When I wake up crying uncontrollably in the middle of the night, it's not because of my brain, it's because of my heart. But your heart doesn't listen to reason.

So I took the warmth that my mum could offer and went and sat out in the living room, mainly because I knew she was tired and I knew that I couldn't sleep without reawakening my self misery.

And as I was sitting there, I watched the sun rise, and a little voice in my head sat up and said to me: "See what that is? It's a new day. You can get over this. Let go." I couldn't remember ever feeling that content just to sit there and laugh through tears of joy. Because it's just a chapter in a the book of my life. As beautiful as it was while it lasted, and as sad as you are when it closes, but that's not the end. I've still got my whole life ahead of me.

I don't mean to sound like suddenly I don't care anymore. I think I'll always love him, because there's always a soft spot for firsts. I think I'll always care about him just because I do. But I think... when I look back on this part of my life, I want to see it as a stepping stone and not as a brick wall.

I'll still want to talk to him, but I know I won't be able to say everything in my heart like I did before. That's probably what saddens me the most now. I just hope I can still talk to him and he doesn't feel obliged to get out of my life completely.

I didn't want to let him go, and an hour ago I would've done anything to have him back. But you know, now I think I see the wisdom in that. I agree with you, let's just be friends.

Maybe I'll see you again.

Best wishes,
Kam

Kimiko...

Help.

It's 6:00 and I think I've had about two hours of sleep. I have an exam tomorrow which I haven't even thought about studying for and it feels like I'm drowning.

Oh God, God, GOD. I need to talk to someone so badly.

kam

"Hmmm a cute girl ^^"
Whoops, he smashed it.

I think I'll go over to that corner and maybe die very quietly so as not to alarm people.

Love is a wonderful thing. And then you break it and find out there's no refund or guarantee.

Kam

I was scrolling down and reading some backlogs, when I came across your comparision of Empire Trilogy and that Fire Emblem game. And I just realised... I would so fucking buy a game that was based off the Empire Trilogy novels, especially that sort of strategy based game. It doesn't even have to be 3D and I'd buy it.

Maybe I should be more honest... it doesn't even have to have a plot as long as I can move Arakasi around and get him into awkward situations with Lujan every now and then.

Mwuhahaha! XD

Kam

Hoorah for randomness~!

Splurged on CD's the other day. Have Coldplay. w00t. It's largely good, although I like some songs more than others. I'll tell you if anything calamitous happens in HP when I borrow it. I don't think I could actually buy it; I have better things to spend $30 on. I don't know if anyone could make people drop off a fandom so quickly than JK. The fanart is more appealing than her next book... I'm largely 'meh', but will read it anyway... just because.

I've always been a bit of a stickler for comic book movies. Batman Returns still remains one of my favourite movies X3. Maybe I'll get it on DVD so I don't have to watch through our crappy VHS copy with early 90's ads. I just remember watching the cartoons as a kid which gives me a nostalgic factor. And there's something cool about the whole superhero shtick. The action and angst and soforth. As long as it's not crappy... daredevil made me laugh for all the wrong reasons.

Am going to use my free time these holidays to do something constructively creative. And ammass lots of moneh so I can look for a better job that has something to do with my prospective career options. I'm somewhat surprised that I was asked to do a photoshop panel at Animania this year. My and Caleyndar were trying to get a cheaper table at teh artists alley so she was talking to Sid, who's organising the panels, and he said if she did some panels he might be able to get something (She was doing a Yaoi panel anyway). So now I'm doing an 'Iron Artists' panel competition thing, a possible photoshop tut, and I might fill in on the Yaoi panel if Caleyndar can't find anyone else (The idea of which amuses me somewhat, since I was only ever a giddy fangirl at teh most slashy of times...). In any case, I'll be sharing a table at SUpanova this year and trying to wh0re out some prints. I'm also contemplating cosplay, because I think it'd be a fun project. and I figure I'm too anal about detail and craftmanship to make a costume that would fall apart. But that means I either have to find someone with glasses or get contacts. Or else be partially blind... Hmm...

~Kimi

After weeks of posting stuff that are semi-serious, I have decided to change my ways once again.

So I hear that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is coming out pretty soon. It seems like only yesterday when I got my hands on Order of the Phoenix, when I met with Aarti at Gordan Station and we screaming unison because the book was in a paper bag that said in great big letters: "I've got Harry in the bag!" It seems like only yesterday we stayed up till 3am reading the last page and staring in sullen disbelief at the dreadful, dreadful writing that is JK Rowling. It seems like only yesterday we wrote long essays debating the choice of her plotlines and creating [layouts] to mourn our dearly beloved. Ah, how nostalgic.
Do tell me if Remus dies, when you get the book. It's the last thing I've still got going for me in this Harry Potter fandom. When Remus dies, it will be complete.

And yeah, Batman. I hear it's a big thing, but frankly I'm about as interested in it as I was for Spiderman...
Caremeter: [-|---------------------------]
I've never been a big comic person... something about guys in tight latex outfits just never did it for me.

Yes, I am having exams now, but who wants to hear about that boring shit?

Kam

WoW is fun when we all group up and pwn someone.
I would like to say to all those assholes that left us way back when that we don't need you to open a can of whoop ass. And frankly, I more than understand Tiago's uh... extreme dislike of those people. Nothing quite says: "I hate you" like leaving a party when you see who's in it.

It's funny, actually. The other day when we tried to take down the dragon in Azshara, Geedorah pmed me to ask what I was doing and if he could get an invite. Geedorah's never even spoken to me before, but he sees me out in the middle of nowhere and his nose picks up the scent of epic loot and suddenly, we're friends? Go away. Really.

Funny thing, as I was riding to MC the other day, late as usual, Cristos came up beside me and asked how MC was going. Now I remember very clearly that when he left, he stated explicitly that he was not a loot wh0re and that he would never go to another MC raid again, with this guild or any other. When I told him that we were pwning MC without any problems, he felt it was his duty to inform me that: "Oh yeah, we just defeated golemagg" and well, well, well, what do you know, I see him in MC five minutes later. Ally too - you really have to love that long hypocritical post on the forums.

Today we went to Onyxia. It didn't go down. Frankly, I hate going on raids that have people from ATR - this usually means I don't really try hard enough.

Kam

I must be the dumbest girl on the planet. Nonetheless, my brother was very shocked to see me crying, he probably thinks it's because I'm stressed.

Like I would tell him it's because of a stupid song.

But that's the first time music has moved me to tears. o_o

Kam

At the beginning of this week, I told myself that I would sit down and study. After taking one look at the mess I call home, I thought: "there is no way you can study in what appears to be a small bomb site." So I tidied up.

While cleaning, I found a chinese music CD in a tattered plastic slip. It looked interesting so I popped it into my CD reader and played it. My first thought was: "oh gods, this is a boyband."
A few songs later, I came across what could only be called an intermission. It was one of those living recordings from a concert or something, and the singer (unknown at this time) confessed that his lips were too dry to sing. The following dialogue with the screaming fangirl audience progressed: "Does anyone have any lipbalm? Oh thanks- Hey, what are you trying to pull here? This is lipstick!"
I have to admit that this made me crack up and fall off my chair from laughter.

Anyway, I managed to fall in love with a few of the songs on this CD and have been listening to it repeatedly while I study and while I raid Molten Core in WoW combined with the amazing vocal skills of my guildmates.

The artist's name - I found out through the powers of the internet - is David Tao.

[Edit: Oh yes, the our beloved A-B.Net Personally, I am fairly happy with cyberpixels and see no real reason to want to switch. Of course, while I love my sites, I can just as easily par them down. The main problem lies with your aggro bandwidth wh0re YoS, so you'll have to make a decision there - to switch or not. I think the lifetime hosting sounds very promising, because frankly, I just need a place to stash my junk and show off my Arithon love.]

Kam

Holy crap, we're gonna need that server replacement for angstboi soon. I don't know what teh heck is up with YoS this month, but it's suckin' up bandwidth bad. To avoid what happened last time I've put the whole subdomain on hiatus though. It's not fair of me to crash the whole server again just because my site's run rampant. Cyberpixel's now-equivalent package to their PixelLove plan has an extra 100mb storage and 5gig transfer, although interestingly they're also having a special on their hosting for life packages. I'll get on to them in the holidays before July so we avoid any of the horrible confusion that happened last time o_O.

And yes, it's 2:30 am D:... finishing last minute photoshop tutorials. I think I might crash at home tomorrow afternoon instead of going to the COFA end-of-semester thing. Too knackered D:. That and I'm supposed to be at work by 9 on Saturday. So regretting signing up for that shift :/. I wish my manager wasn't such a twat sometimes. Stop telling me Gamecube is dead just so you can engage in a long-winded arguement about it! I seriously didn't really give a flying fuck. I just wanted to go home so I could sleep >_>

Although Zelda: Twilight Princess appeared in our pre-order list today. I have ten bucks down on the sucker XD. I just hope it's released before the apparent December date...

[edit] I was talking to Caleyndar about hosting, and she pointed me to her server provider which does a 500meg capacity and unlimited bandwidth package for US$99 a year (check out the full stats here: link). She's been with them for 3-4 years and has never had any major problems. Might be something good to look into~

~Kimi

*has sore throat*. Man... this really sucks. Why, bacteria, why?! Why must you infect me at the most innoportune time of the week. Guh. I wish I could just numb my throat for the next two days and deal with it later.

I just realised next monday was a public holiday...

~Kimi

I saw your entry a couple of days ago, but was unable at the time to come up with a derserving response; feeling at once somewhat inadequade for not being able to jump up with friendly assurances. I have wonderful parents whom I do not thank near enough what they deserve. But the things you talk about are often things I can't relate to, because I've never had someone tell me what I should do in life. I've always done largely what I'd wanted to, and the only person I've had to blame for regrets is myself.

I'm not the best person in the world, and I'm sure there are others who offer reassurances better than I ever could, but your friendship is something that matters to me more than most things I could hope to have. When you blog here with seriousness and speak of insecurities, of the days when nothing goes right and everything goes wrong, it really makes me worry for you. But don't ever stop being yourself because someone said you had to, or you felt you couldn't be. The world is full of fields far greener than the dusty paths we may tread today. I'd love to say that your future will be deservingly bright for the wonderful person you are, but I can't. Such assurances don't exist, however much we may wish for them. It mightn't come tomorrow or the day after, or in five years time, but I'd like to think that one day you'll find something to love and someone to love which will make these days worthwhile.

It is with regret that I may have to again miss our monday afternoon (I'm skipping a lecture to take the day off to finish assignments), but if you have any free time after next week I'd love to shout you an afternoon of something fun, even if it's just a chat over coffee. It's the least I could do for missing last week anyway.

~Kimi

Ever get the feeling that you've made a big mistake and it's too late to go back and change it now? I do.

Ever get the feeling that God is watching you and pissing himself with laughter? I do.

Ever wonder what you were made for? I do.

I think somewhere along the road I screwed up badly. Just because you're good at something, it doesn't mean you enjoy it.

Kam

Ah well, nothing awful happened today, and I made some new "friends."

Suddenly, I miss questing with a large group of friends.

Kam

Talking to the people I know from the days of CL, makes me wonder why it always seems to be the faithful that are punished.
The internet is full of people who have a honeyed tongue but the bite of a viper. People who say one thing but their actions speak far louder. I have far more respect for Anexion who said frankly: 'I'm in this for the loot' rather than people who leave under the pretense that it's something wrong with the guild. If that was so, my dears, then why would you join another?

Maybe I get sucked in by this whole humour thing far too easily and fall in love with people who can make me laugh. I always think that if someone has a sense of humour then they are decent people inside... and then I get betrayed by my most beloved of clowns.
It hurts so bad to see people you thought were simply amazing just up and leave, without a word, without saying goodbye. Maybe I'm the only one who remembers the good times.

These people who stay behind... so many of them are the faithful from CL, who have had to see this sort of death happen twice because people abused their trust. What can I say when someone messages me privately and voices their worries? I can't reassure them because the doubt they feel is equal to mine.

Far from it be my duty to say so, but I think I do understand what Tiago is going through. To see something you love and worked so hard to achieve collapse within a few hours because the people you thought you could rely on proove themselves otherwise... I've had this feeling that I need to send him a letter or some sort, but I've never been able to put into words what I think and yet still managed to reassure someone of their standing. Besides, I haven't seen him online, and frankly, I don't blame him.

It occurs to me, that if this is the end of Rev and Tiago gives up his dream too, that I will really have no reason to want to continue on. I never played this for the loot. People say this bullshit all the time, but for me, it's honest. I don't care if I never get an epic. For that matter, I don't care if I never get my stupid priest robe which every other halfwit priest seems to have. If you need proof, you can find my earliest entries and discover that they are all about the people I meet, the experiences I had, the friends I made. I started this game for companionship, and if my circle of friends suddenly dispersed, I might as well pack my bags and leave. The small group of people I still trust know where to find me, and for those that don't, well, frankly, I guess you don't matter enough to me anymore.

I will rather join PT before I touch ATR with a 10ft stick. Fnop thinks I have an attitude. To that I say: "Fuck right. I don't appreciate being patronised by people I don't even know."

kam

...And I totally didn't notice the posts below me until tonight. Except, righ now I'm freezing and want to stab my ovaries for being bitchy.

Still... it would be too much to ask for that people on the internet act with teh same level of dignity and respect that they do in real life. The internet, dare we say it, has evolved. Even if they are just polygons... there are people behind them too.

Gurh... mood... sleepish. Mnff

~Kimi

Holy wtf? o_O How the heck did Angstboi suddenly get deprived of so much space? 315 meg? It was 285 yesterday *is confused*. And the counters are fucked. Guh. I need to find a way to clean up Webaliser's cache. It takes up 60 meg.

~Kimi

Do people not recognise loyalty anymore?
What happened to you, Shinobi, Nodin, Anexion? I understand you not wanting to see the guild crumble and fade, but joining ATR just says to me: "LOOTWH0RE!"
If that's what you want to say, then so be it. But joining ATR reminds me of the days when people left their first love to join Ascension - trite, outright betrayal.

These people who leave like this... have never know what it's like to see the death of something good all the way to the end. You probably think I'm foolish to love a game so much, but it's not that. It's all these people who I truly do love, because they are all such wonderful, charming people. This guild is like a family, or atleast, the good times are like a family, and then you see it die because of some stupid incident... it's like having to put down the family dog because of a flee bite.

These people who abandon it before the end: well, maybe I'm just foolish to cling on to false hope, but then again maybe they're just cowards.

It's always people like Tsasami who suffers from these things. No wonder some just decided to quit.

kam

I'm so tired. I'm tired of all the drama and of people leaving. I'm tired of seeing guilds break up over a stupid loot argument, and I'm tired of people taking everything too seriously. Don't they know that every time someone types /gquit a little part of my soul dies, especially if I happen to like them? The amount of people who left today, makes me want to just sigh and say to everyone: "this is too sad, I think I'll take a year's break."

It feels like betrayal, as bad as when Soul and Moon left CL. I didn't tell anyone what I thought about that... They were the first guys who helped me out when I was naught but a stupid n00b. And I really looked up to Moonrider. These people who guided my first nubby steps and whom I trusted... I dunno how to describe that feeling. Except that I don't talk to them any more and only feel aggression from them. What is it with people becoming all elitist suddenly?
What is it with people like Ally, Anexion, Cristos, Guile, Fugoo, Erzengal and so many more people who all left today? We lost so many. I don't agree with Cassius's method of 'weeding' especially since he never talks to any of these people, never judged them on his own basis or seen it from their point of view. By randomly kicking people he's caused an even greater rift in the division that currently stands between what I see as the Officers and the Rest. He should not have kicked Holy.
Maybe it's just me, but I have a soft spot for people I've seen and helped from lvl 10 to lvl 60. Because I remember what it was like the other way around. You don't want to hurt people like that.

Ally's leaving feels like betrayal. These people who got kicked/left all had something from our big raids, and in the case of Defiance, he has fucking two. Think about what Tsasami feels, or even Stinger, goddamnit. So what now? he's going to join ATR and say to them: 'invite me, I belong to you, I have equipment my previous guild gave to me. But I feel no sense of loyalty towards them.'

We made such a big mistake when Fnop decided to give up the dream and merge. We were all such fools, stupid to think that that would be the end of it. No one really thought about it carefully, all the officers were too busy deciding everyone's future that they forgot to take into account some of our worries and help solve them. It wouldn't have been so hard, either.
Atleast a week before any sort of talk of merging was announced publicly, we should've organised some small raids. One that consisted of people from both guilds. Not the big 40 man raids, but little five group runs. The officers from both guild should've organised this. Made sure that everyone had someone from the opposite guild on their friends list. Given everyone the chance to talk to someone of the same class but from the other guild. I think the officers should've made sure this happened. It's foolish of me to try and patch things up now, when so many of the quieter members feel left out in the cold. That's why you get things like shitloads of members leaving once someone 'high-up' starts. These 'officers', should make some effort to get to know people who are new. I don't necessarily mean new recruitees, but just someone they've never spoken to before. When someone you don't know says on guild chat: 'I need help with the Princess!' then they should say, 'yeah, sure. All I'm doing is standing in IF bitching about people. I might as well help.' I remember doing this in CL. This is the officers' fault and I'll gladly stake my claim in this mess too.

I won't hear anything bad about Tiago, because he does the best that he can. But sometimes... as a guild leader, as much as you want to say: 'this is a friends-guild. We are all friends.' it just doesn't work that way. Sometimes you have to take the tough stand and say: 'he did wrong. He is my friend, but he made a mistake.' Sometimes you have to decide for the majority. Tiago doesn't realise that while he whispers to me about loyalty, honesty and justice, everyone else thinks that he's just showing favouritism. It nice to think that Tiago can say: 'I don't care what anyone thinks' but he can't, not as a leader of some 200 people.

And half of this mess is Topo's fault. Not because he ninja-ed, but because he should've paid more attention to the guild members instead of to the officers. If he had established friends among the members, if he had talked to them in party chat and not just in officer chat, then he would have people who'd support him from all sides, not just the raid leaders.

Frankly, what should've been done the instant Topo rolled on that weapon, was to be kicked out of the guild. He made a mistake, sure. But people have made mistakes for far lesser evils and still been removed. Eredar, for one. Perhaps not even instantly, perhaps he could've explained himself and then Tiago should've explained this situation to him privately, and then once Topo acknowledges this fact and knowing Topo as a friend, he will, he should've been kicked. Not leave. Kicked. Topo could've even saved himself by doing this. 'Oh shit, I fucked up. I admit this. Please, Tiago. Kick me.'
Then people will know that there is no such thing as the Officer's Side and an Everyone's Side.

I hate this. It feels like the end of CL all over again, and that hurt me much more than Fnop will ever know. I always go down with the fucking ship, though it breaks my heart to see it crumble twice.
Whoo, I feel like Arakasi.

kam

I can't decide if I hate my chemistry demonstrator or like him. Because he's pretty nice and stuff, but I just hate it when he ignores me. I'm not a demanding person... at least to my teachers anyway... so on the rare occasions when I do have something to say, I'd like to be heard without being brushed off like I was pocket lint.

Last week, I just want to get the answer to the experiment and have him mark off my work so I could go home. This'll take him about two minutes, to which he could then get back to flirting with the blond chick in earnest. I swear, the three times I said: 'Excuse me' he started talking to other people and then when I finally caught his eye, he turned around and walked away. That just fucking pissed me off so bad, that I got completely aggro in his face about it: 'Just sign the damn book.'

I did feel kinda bad about that.

I guess being quiet has it's own drawbacks. Or maybe he'd feel more inclined to talk to me if I was a 6ft leggy blonde.

kam

Wow, serious? Jack Sparrow with Sora and gang? Am I the only one who thinks that this is a bit bogus? Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have Sparrow in my team, but honestly, I don't see how the visuals would work.

There is something so remarkably cute about seeing a 25+ year old man run his daughter's pram through a puddle of water while yelling: 'wheee!' as the water splashes up. It brings a smile to my face.
Speaking of things I saw today, there was some kind of argument going on in the bus I was trying to catch to go to school, I wasn't paying proper attention, as I was going to be late to hand in my assignment, only that it was late anyway but back to that argument. Maybe I'm a bit biased, but it seemed a bit one sided to me, consisting of a woman and a man yelling at an asian couple. I don't actually know what it was about, but halfway through the man started to pull down his pants, and there was threats about going to the police and wotnot. I saw that woman who was causing a lot of commotion later and she was crying like it was something they made her do, like it wasn't her fault she lost her temper and totally blew up in a stranger's face. I thought it was complete and utter bull, although I suppose I shouldn't really comment as I didn't see the origination of the fight, but this all boils down to culture again I think. I just couldn't see that asian couple standing up for themselves, so it seemed a bit cruel. Anyway, I felt no sympathy for the woman.

[Edit: omg, look at this girl's first icon. Needless to say: rofl.]

Kam

From IGN:

" Avast, ye Kingdom Hearts fans! At Square Enix's E3 conference this morning, one of the surprises in the unveiling was that Jack Sparrow, the drunken mess of a pirate from the movie Pirates of the Caribbean, would be in the upcoming KH sequel."

From GS:

"A scene in the video placed Sora, Donald, and Goofy with Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow (the first sighting of which elicited cheers from the crowd), with the former characters keeping the cartoonish look of the normal Kingdom Hearts world, while Sparrow was rendered in a realistic style. He fought with the group against a mob of undead pirates in a cavern taken straight from the movie, and the look was definitely surreal, but also quintessential Kingdom Hearts crossover craziness."

The strangest E3 news I've heard so far o_O (I forgot Pirates was Disney). And in a spectacular moment of inspiration from Sony, the next playstation will be called... Playstation 3! wh0amgz!!1! Hmm... I wonder what it looks like.

[edit] The PS3 looks like my scanner, but sexier. But with that said, it still looks like a freakin scanner or someone's printer. Or a slimline fridge... Why, Sony, why? Why did you have to make the PSP so sexy but the PS3 so... not? And that controller. I have no comment, other than it looks like the bastard child of the N64 and dual-shock controller. Although, the apparently leaked image of the Revolution isn't so bad. I would've liked something a little more ergonomic, but it's starting to grow on me.

[edit 2] Looks like the Rev design is official, but not final; or so Iwata says. Personally I think it's the sexiest of the lot. No idea what teh controllers are going to look like though, and I was a bit dissapointed with Nintendo's underwhelming press conference. Then again, Aries, the nintendo 'insider', said all would be revealed on the 19th; the second day of the actual expo. He better not be bulshittin'. I'd just like to see what this thing can do, or some more info in the least.

~Kimi

I must've watched this movie like a million times, but it never ceases to loose the ability to make me cry.

Damnit, Chihiro. You go girl T_T

After rewatching Howl's Moving Castle and then Spirited Away, I can't help but feel that Miyazaki works better when he's working on a original score. Because frankly, Howl is probably the worst book-to-movie conversion I've ever seen. It's not even that impressive as a stand alone movie, either.

Kam

This is a list I've constructed mentally as I journey to school. Perhaps you'd enjoy it. Perhaps not if you are a regular performer of such actions. If the later, then too bad.

1. Girls who scream. For no reason. OMG, it's Justin Timberlake. OMG, I've just broken a nail. OMG, there's a fucking cockroach. Whatever. I don't care. You can express your appreciation in a quieter method without informing everyone in a 50ft radius of your joy. God gave me the ability to hear and I would prefer to retain it, thankyouverymuch. He also gave you a brain, it would not hurt you to use it once in a while and maybe think about everyone else's eardrums.
2. Guys who hold their crotch. Sure, if you've just receive a kick to the groin, you are entitled to your little bit of crotch holding. However, if you are standing on the side walk in the middle of a pedestrian crossing, there is no need to hang onto those family jewels. They are not going to fall off or escape if you let go. Or maybe they might. If so, I am terribly sorry for making light of your medical condition.
3. People who do not move across on the bus seat and expect you to climb over them and then proceed to scowl when you do. Stop being a lazy selfish prick and move across. What are you? Allergic to the fucking window? And while we're at it, the seat is for people not bags. I repeat: PEOPLE. Until someone invents a bag that can get tired feet, I will not accept any container as a person, not even if you've named the little shit.
4. People who invade my personal space. I am not a big person. I do not take up much room. On a bus, I probably take up about 1/3 of the seat if not less. So technically I have given you more than enough room to spread out and relax. Therefore, when you start rummaging in your bag I seriously do not appreciate your fucking elbow in my face. Tuck in your arms please.
5. Tight jeans. I should be more specific. Girls who like to wear jeans that are two sizes too small and thus end up showing that lovely layer of fat around their waist. What the hell are you? Delirious? Those pants obviously do not fit, or for that matter, look good on you. Why would you think a roll of fat that hangs 10cm over the side of your pants in any way appealing to the opposite sex? Oh sure, if you want the fabric to tighten up your arse at the back, I understand. Then let us leave the tiny boob tube at home and find a shirt that will cover you more adequately. But you know; it is possible to find jeans that will fit you at the waist and still tighten your arse. And you know what? It will even look a hell lot more slimming on you too. So please. When you see that lovely size 8 denim in the window of Espirit, resist that impulse to buy it straight away. Because there's nothing more off putting than seeing blubber overflowing over the top of someone's pants.

Kam

I need a passport. But apparently you need a witness or some shit like that.
Anyway, I was puzzling over who to use as my witness as I went to pick up forms from the post office. The requirements are as follows:
1) Over 18.
2) Known the applicant for atleast 1 year.
3) Is not related to applicant by family or extended family or in relationship with applicant.
4) Has either a current Australian passport or is listed on the electorial roll.

OMGWTFBBQ, I thought, I was going to ask your parents but I realise I can just ask you instead. Doesn't that bring a tear to your eye? You're all grown up and... filling in government documents for me now. ;_;

PS. You are on the electorial roll, right? >_>

Kam

*cracks knuckle on balustrade* So... not cool. That post before-last-post made me go "aww" and "Urrr". Beggers usually get the better of me. I just can't bring myself to tell them to bugger off D:. Ruler of Men is an appealing future title, however... But maintaining some kind of attempt not to shrug off seriousness, I'm gonna throw one back at you;

(I had a good opening line but I completely forgot what it was). You're serious, you're carefree, but above all you're genuine. You know what you want to say and you're not afraid to say it, even if it's just in the context of blogular anonymity (That word sounds to wonky, but oh well). When you tell me things I know you mean them, and even if I don't always like them, it makes them all the more worthwile. Your artistic skillz gave me aspirations of greatness when I first started drawing, and I still think they're great. In some ways I think it a bit of a shame that you didn't pursue arts and writing further, because you have talent in both, dangnabbit D:.

*sneezes* ...oh yeah, the rest of you lot. Come on, just face it; you're all cool and snazzy and wonderful and beautiful in your own ways. That and it's midnight and I really can't embellish right now.

Gosh, Battlestar Gallactica cracks me up though. Oh my sweet deranged Gaius. But please, for the sake of my fangirlish sanity, don't root your imaginary girlfriend in a publicly accessible place. Watching him try to have a respectful conversation with the President while dodgedly answering questions from said invisible girlfriend is suitably hillarious, however. Although I can't really tell if she's his girlfriend, seeing as she constantly torments and/or molests him D:. Finally saw the Tales of Phantasia OAV, and also the first episode of Trinity Blood. Arche, even if you hate her, must be said to have one of the best lines of the episode. "You're cute when you get all geeky, Klarth-sensei". It's fun to see him sulk over her teasing him about how slow Summoning is. They changed the story from the game though, in that Klarth and Arche are helping to fight Dhaos's army at Midgard. The animation is purdy but not overtly so, but it's just interesting to see them as real characters rather than little sprites. Dhaos also seems to have more personality and motive, but I could be mistaken. I'm waiting for Klarth to hit someone with a book XE.

Trinity Blood is a mixture of 'yay' and 'hmm'. Maybe it's just that it's the first episode, and since I didn't know what actually happens in it, I romanticised the manga a little. So instead of 'whoamgz teh r0x0rz!', it's more 'this is pretty good'. I like the opening theme for some reason, although with all the credits and karaoke subtitles the screen is awfully messy.

Abel is cute and Vash-like, as was to be expected, and Gonzo has a lovely time with the animation (Even if they trashed Chrno Crusade, it must be said that they do quality stuff). But I think the manga opening had a stronger impression. I'm waiting for Esther to come on teh scene so the proper story can pick up; this feels like a bit of a pilot for the real action.

Although, change the colouring slightly and Abel is such a dead-ringer for one of my characters visualy. Damn you Mikaeru, and your genericly tall, long-haired glasses-ness :/. The below image is just random, but also proves the theory that bishy + blood = teh sex. At least, I thought he looked... well, angsty.

~Kimi

Haha, my dad's a nub! He claimed that he didn't have my cell phone number when I clearly remember giving it to him last time he came to visit. Then he claimed that it could never connect, which I asked him to proove. He just rang me then and said: 'Oh opps.'

NUBIFIED! Ah, he makes me laugh. ;P

Kam

On my way home from school, I saw this woman walk down that really long tunnel. This is nothing remarkable; I see random women walk down that tunnel everyday - but the thing that made her unique was her attitude. She strutted - straight back, head up, reeking of pride. I'm not sure if she was particularly good looking or not, because what drew my attention was not her face. I really envied that. It takes a remarkable amount of self confidence to have that sort of aura. It's something that I don't think I'll ever have, simply because I don't think of myself that way. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because you don't hear enough people talk about you in a good way. I don't mean that all I hear is bitching from my friends - of course not. But when I talk to them we never talk about anything personal. We don't say anything bad... but then again, I don't hear anything good either. I've always assumed that my friends knew that I was proud of them. Maybe they don't.

On Liaison's birthday last year, I wrote her a fairly long email with what I really thought of her detailed in it. I don't think she's ever gotten anything like that and I'd like to think that it made a difference... but I want this good will to spread to everyone else. If they ever see this, I hope they take heart from it. If they don't, that's okay.

To the stranger who might stumble across this entry and actually bother to read it, I'd like you to know that someone out there thinks well of you too.

To the Shiori: you are a mature and thoughtful person. It's hard to get to get to know you well because you're pretty quiet, but I'm glad that I do.
To Anne: the thing that amazes me the most about you is the ability you have to not take shit from anyone. I remember that whole fuss many years ago about some girl in high school. You spoke out for yourself, and I was really proud of you. I know that you get hurt easily, but I'd like you to also know that we'd always be here for you. Oh, and I'm so jealous of your writing skillz.
To Libby: Wow. What is there to say? I've always thought very highly of you, because you have a beauty that is not just limited on the outside. I'm glad to have been your friend and I wish you all the luck and success in your bright future.
To Aarti: You make me laugh. You are so smart and gifted. And you have the nicest chuckle ever! I would also like you to know that you have a quiet charisma about you and a pride in yourself that's not overbearing. And you're not afraid to just let go sometimes and do something incredibly stupid such as get swept away by an incoming wave. I know you'll do great in whatever path you choose.
To Lauren: my dear friend, you are so cute! Honestly. You also tend to stress too much even though you are so talented and clever and hard working and gosh. You have such high standards - it's not the end of the world if you don't quite make it. Life is always open for people as wonderful as you, so it's ok to take a deep breath and relax every now and then.
To Sharni: if there is one person that really needs a confidence booster, it is you. You are yourself, you are your own unique person, you don't have to worry about what your family or your friends thinks of you because know that we'll always be proud of you. I'd like to point out that you also have really nice hair.
To Steph: what to say? You are so talented. Perhaps you don't know this. (Or maybe you do) I've always thought you were, even though you never really tried to be in the centre of attention - just quietly being competent at everything you do.
To Nadia: I need to tell you more often what I think of you. Well, the good stuff anyway. I've always thought that you were really confident, but since the horrible episode in the city with that stupid beggar lady, I've had to re-evaluate that opinion. One day, my friend, you will be the leader of men. Oh yeah, and gods am I jealous of your art skillz. You will never have to worry about failure because you have Talent.

To anyone I missed: If you don't see your name, it's not because I hate you but I can't fit everyone's name on here... that would take far too long.
But to all my friends - I'd like you to know that you are all pretty, wonderful and special people. You are beautiful, even on the days you look in the mirror and think: "OMG! Zombie!" You will find love, even on the days you think to yourself: "Shit, I'm doomed to be lonely forever." You will be successful, even if it's not exactly what you had in mind at the beginning.

So the next time you walk down the street, stop. Lift your head up. Look at everyone in the eye. Strut. Because the world is your bitch, yo.

[Edit: wow, I forgot how to spell 'particularly' -_-;;]

Kam

I was at work today and someone wanted to trade in some GC games including PoP: Sands of Time. I thought they weren't going to get much for the lot, since it's GC and trade-ins have dropped in price. But I have to say I felt personally insulted that they were only going to get about 10 bucks for all 5 games. Prince of Persia had a trade-in value of one fucking dollar. I'm sorry, EB management, but if you think Gamecube games don't sell that well (Something I won't argue with because it's sadly true), then just say you don't want them. I mean, our trade-in are usually a bit of a rort (Sometimes they're pretty good) but that kind of value was just rediculous. No game this generation, especially one like Prince of Persia, deserves to be slapped with such a goddamn insulting trade in value. I bet you the shittest, oldest game on Playstation 2 will still get you around 5 bucks. And I don't know if my boss was trying to rile me up, but when I commented that 15 bucks for a trade-in cube was a rort, he basically told me that it wasn't and that the GC was dead. I know he must have been either off his rocker or bulshitting me to some extent (Although I don't know why) when he said that Sony was fast-tracking the PS3 to the X-box 2 launch and the new Zelda was going to come to Revolution. That and trying to negate my claim that the Revolution is backwards compatible, even though Iwata has already said it will be. It's just... urg! I hate it when perfectly good systems and games get treated like crap because of corporate and consumer apathy.

I hope the Revolution is more of a success than the GC, simply because their position right now can't possibly get much worse. I think the hardcore gamers are the only ones saving it from the DC's fate.

~Kimi

Eeep. I think it's some new files I added to Yami o SUkasu (two 2 meg zips). I took them down a few days ago to try and save bandwidth, but, well... it didn't seem to work. Anima and YoS are the biggest bandwidth suckers, although YoS outstrips any. People frackin' leeching images from YoS (And anima, I might add) doesn't help. Freakin' someone was leeching a poster image from YoS that was half a meg. XE... I never thought we'd exceed bandwidth. Oh well, at least it's only for a few days. I might have to restrict any large files on YoS to a few weeks at the end of the month if it continues.

Oh yeah~ I saw your brother at work. He was buying Guild Wars XE.

~Kimi

Er.... our site has reach bandwidth limit? Creepy. Tell me what's hogging all the space. :P

Kam

*gasp* finally some more Zelda information~ And what delicious information it is XE

I swear to goodness, Lucius teeters too far on the side of androgony for my liking. I know it says he's a guy in the game, but just look at him! Don't tell me it doesn't suspiciously look lie he's a little too curvy. And when he dies, he apologises to 'Lord Raymond', aka Raven, with whom he had that suspiciously canon slash conversattion with in that cell. Meanwhile little old me is sitting there in a fangirlish splutter. Fire Emblem is so damn leechable it's not funny, which is part of what makes it cool. Think of it, if you will, as being like you're controlling the armies in, say... Empire Trilogy. You know you're going to play through that goddamn mission seven bajillion times so Arakasi doesnt't die because he's a thief and they always seem to die...(Agile buggers though they are, they fall down quicker than a kick to the nuts if they come up against tougher oponents) And then you can prance around and team him up with Lujan and have little conversations during battle (Which I've failed to do, although it strengthens the something-or-otherness between characters if you do talk to them). There's a second one coming out in the U.S soon, and one for GC whose character art I've been oogling. Of course, I kind of have to finish the one I have first...

~Kimi

-_-;;;

Actually... that wasn't what I was referring to, although I suppose it does come into it.

I have a lot of cables too. My brothers finally got me that USB hub I'd been bugging them for. XD The light on it is so bright though, I swear, it's the kind of beam that freezes small animals in terror, or the sort that UFOs use to beam people up.

Uh... I've been so lax in updating and processing emails. I think someone applied for hosting a little while ago, but I don't want to host anymore people at this moment. For one thing, I'm not sure what's going on with our hosting plan. Kimi? Are we gonna sign up for that lifetime service?

I have a big problem. Moku's been really bothering me lately to get on WoW and kick some horde arse, but I feel queer if I play without my boy X_x But... I still really want to test out the new patch... and raid. T_T

Now, to study for my chem quiz tomorrow. Which I only found out today XD I love procrastination. :P

PS I am well aware that your family is possibly even weirder than mine - however I dunno if your mom upsets you quite the same way like mine. I swear, she wants to get rid of me or something. And no, I'm not being melodramatic. Just an observation.

Kam

*makes a litre of iced coffee*

Omgyourloveissocanon XE. And if that wasn't what you were reffering to in that last bit, well... it made me think of that anyway.

And now, excuse me while I traverse the wilderness that is the side of my computer so I can recharge my digicam. What is it with technology and cables? I have a charger for my phone, a charger for my gameboy, a charger for my camera and a charger for my iPod. Cables for my mouse, my keyboard, wacom, scanner, monitor, speakers, two cameras and a bunch of randomly associated parephenalia for my N64. This reminds me of that IBM ad... you know, the one where they're shpwing off that mass of plugs which does anything and everything, and they get askes if it'll work overseas. "...well, you'll need an adapter for that".

Looking back on posts, I think I'll say "...wow, I look apathetic". Most of the time when you post something serious I'd say "Well, I was going to write a serious reply, but let me get distracted by something humerous/succumb to laziness". Hmmm ._.

:et me assure you all that I and my family are equally as dysfunctional as the rest of you~! ...I just don't tend to write about it.

Oh yeah, my Ace figure arrived, hence the recharging. My desktop is now +1 for PVC manflesh (that sounded so wrong...). Well, it's not my fault Ace doesn't wear a shirt :|. I'm glad they decided to makes him attach to the base. Sanji is at a funky angle because I can't get him to sit properly in the leg stand.

~Kimi

On Saturday, November 2, 2002, I posted this:

There so much stuff I'd like to do one day but I know I'll probably never getting around to achieving.

I wanna: parasail sometime, learn how to ride a horse, rock climb, drive a 4WD, pet a squirrel/chipmunk, rescue a cat from an animal shelter, buy an apartment with wooden floorboards, re-docorate my room, paint horses on the wall, collect books, finish that poster I said I was going to do a year ago, become successful, do photography, never have to worry about money again, and do all the things with my children that my mum never did with me.

I wanna: sing karaoke on a stage, get tipsy on vodka, tell Mrs Bruen to kiss-my-ass, egg Dr Carter's house, spray-paint Daelion's wheel on the school quadrangle, drop multi-coloured paint on B block, battle it out with water guns in a carpark, parachute from an immense height, have snow ball fight in Canada, sushi shopping in Japan, beat up Mickey Mouse in Disney Land, spit from the top of the Eiffel tower, cruise around the Mediterranean with my friends, learn how to throw a knock-out punch, study the stars and learn astronomy, make a life-size origami elephant, dress up as The Luggage, have my name written in the sky, climb a tree, hug a wolf, and find love.

I wanna: stay young but grow up tall, live alone, work hard, sleep in forever, one day enjoy coffee with friends, reunite with old friends, solve arguments from long ago, be at peace with the world, die happy after living a purposeful life.

I wanna: smile all the way.

---

I had forgotten about this post. It brings back so many memories. I guess this is one of the reasons why I love this blog. =P

My wishlist is a lot shorter now. In fact, I only have one thing on it.

Kam

Omg! o__O Tales of Phantasia pins! *hyperventilates* Am SO getting them when they come out. Koto's also putting out figures from the Advent Children movie. I saw a picture but forgot the link, except that Vincent looks uber XE. And Sephy looks... different.

I got the first volume of Gungrave because it was on sale at work. I went 'omgsquee' in the credits when I saw that a certain Seki was playing Grave's voice, but then I went 'aww crap' Because it was Seki Tomokazu... not that I have anything against the guy, but I like Seki Toshihiko better (Iruka from Naruto). Why didn't I notice in the actual episode, you ask? Well, that brings me to a point... Brandon/Grave has maybe, like, one line of actual dialogue per episode. He's this freaky silent nice guy, and thus reminded me a lot of Senri. He even has a similar haircut. It's wierd though, because in the first episode it's all 'whoamgz lets kill me some zombies with my uber guns and freaky invulnerabilitiness!!1!', and then the flashback episodes (which I'm told go on until episode 14 or so) throw away the whole facade of supernatural things. Slightly jarring, but I find myself wanting to know what happens next anyway. It has certain elements of the predictable and cliche, but there's enough mystery to keep you wondering. It's low on my priority of anime dvd's to binge on though. The FMA dub disturbs me slightly, since while watching part of it with the english subtitle, the dialogue is really different. I mean, it's not just a different interpretation of the dialogue to fit the space. They actually say different things. I'm wondering how they're going to fit the whole series in that tin though, unless they plan to do it in seasons.

When they're all lined up on my shelf looking nice and shiny though, I'm going to think... 'fuck that cost me a lot of money'

~Kimi

Why is everyone in FY so much cooler when they're evil? It's like it negates their sue-dom or something (And because we all know Miaka and Takahome are Mary Sues... how else could so many people fall in love with her?). And yet, despite everything, I still feel compelled to watch it >_>. It's high melodrama, goddamnit. Something about it tugs at your waffy hearstrings. Am V miffed though. I appear to have misplaced all my Hayashi Nobutoshi mp3's except for the sucky ones, which were in their own folder. I have no idea how though. It's like, they were there three years ago, and now they're not, but I don't see why I would have deleted them. I didn't give them to you, did I? There was an empty directy on a CDRW I think I used to give you some files aaages ago (Like those three Yellow Monkey songs). FY is like a bad habit I can't shake off. It's so goddamn sappy and unbearably dramatic, but it's like... nrgg. I can't hate it. I blame it on the fact that it was my first fandom. That and Tasuki. He still makes me giggle like a fangirl after 6 years. Ah, sweet nostalgia D;. I want to see the 2nd OAV, just because... And episodes 33 and 20 in something better than a crappy 50-meg RM. But alack, it hasn't come out here (For reasons that bemuse me... I mean, it's like, the difinitive Shoujo melodrama ). I dunno... maybe I just feel attached to its sence of fanciful whimsy. The cynical, criticaly minded part of me says that it's awfully sappy and unrealistic, but I feel that It would be a sad day when Tasuki's appearance fails to ilicit a fangirlish grin, or I don't tap my feet to the Seiryuu BGM (Which I'm still minded to say is the best sinister fight-scene BGM), or that I feel, in general, completely dispondant from the whole affair. Even if things are old and flawed and we have long since outgrown their initial charms, we should still remember why we found them charming in the first place.

Omg, FY is analogy for regaining your childhood youthfulness!!1!!1 Whoamgz.

Well, maybe something to that effect anyway. Or perhap's I'm merely trying to justify the fact that I can still get on a giddy high every couple of years, for reasons which mistify me. For shame! I am listening to the ending theme as we speak! And yet... there are some moments where I can't help but feel horribly depressed about it. Maybe it's the nature of the story itself. This insidious, lingering notion that none of it is real, so what happens to all those people and memories, if we were to forget them? If you could merely tear out a page of a book and someone would dissapear...

This blog has become more sporadic and random than it use to be. People on Gaia were talking about +Anima, so I plugged your site. Mwaha~

~Kimi

Ohh, pretty O_O

I would like to take this time to post a bit of AMAZING NEWS!!! +Anima is coming to an end. Volume 10, available for preorder, is the last volume. I would also like to take this time to congradulate myself for predicting this conclusion beforehand, even when I had no clue as to what the gang were saying. But that's cool... I'll have the complete +Anima set!

*whistles innocently* And in other news... You know, I never know what to post here anymore. I refuse to turn this into some kind of love life blog spot, since the idea disturbs both me and you. Plus, he knows where to look X_x

Kam

She's beautiful, no? I thought all the figures at work had been snagged, but since I was pining over having lost out my boss let me have his Nadia statue and he'll find his own later. She really is gorgeous though; wonderful 1/6th scale with a lovely dynamic pose and typically good quality paint and castings from Kotobukiya. What I'd originally thought to be just a half price model turned out to be a discontinued 14 000 yen statue o_O. That means I only paid 1/7th of the original cost (25 bucks for a $175 statue). Talk about a bargain! She's cold-cast though, meaning that unlike my normal PVC statues, if she gets knocked over she's done for. I've had to move her to a more kitty-safe place on my desk because of that >_o (He's knocked over Sanji a couple of times already...).

The artist picnic was very cool though, and I met a whole lot of people who're also based on Deviantart, as well as catching up with Annie and Simone again :). It was more laid-back than I'd thought it was going to be. You should've come~ Hehe... all we did was doodle stick-figures, eat and talk about random things XE.

^ One of ze stick-figure doodle pages ^

^ The extent of my contribution to the serious drawing page. Someone had drawn in the tentacle from a drawing of two shounen-ai-ish guys XE. My favourite one was a drawing of the dude from Half-Life about to stick it to a gentlemanly alien; "I'll crowbar you good!" XD

~Kimi